via majatomljanovic

I don’t know what got to me; I just know that I was restless beyond control this past week and I had to do something I’ve been putting off for so long.

Last Friday, my favorite masseuse, who has a month-long waitlist, called to ask if I was free Saturday morning. I had other commitments but who could say no to a good massage from someone with a month-long waitlist? Not me. By Saturday night, I was feeling so relaxed and, for some reason, more energetic than I usually am, that I woke up at 2 AM, opened my laptop, and deleted my 12-year old blog. Yes, my first – and only – blog. My baby. It’s something I’ve long-cherished and have not updated in YEARS, but could not muster the courage to let go of – until this morning, that is. Who would have thought that all it would take is some good, old hilot? I kid you not; she is THAT good.

Ten minutes into being blog free, I stared at my sleeping brood; near them, on my makeshift desk, a pile of unfinished office work remains untouched. At that time all I could think of was, “What now?” So, like what any sane, wise woman would do, I grabbed my laptop, signed up on WordPress, and I could not be any happier. Okay, that’s an exaggeration; but you get it. Right?

So, who am I?

As my About Me page says, I’m a twenty-something mom of two who’s currently preoccupied with my wife-slash-mom-slash-businesswoman duties while trying to live a life in between.

I started blogging in 2006 when I kicked myself out of the marbled halls of a certain green and white university in the hopes of escaping a career in the science lab. I was waiting for my acceptance letter from business school and had nothing productive to do apart from answering Friendster and Multiply surveys at home. I spent six years in business school while trying to maintain a blog and, eventually, plan a wedding towards the end of my final semester in uni. I immediately took on the role of being the good wife and started helping my husband run the family business – my blogging duties, gone and forgotten. Six months into married life, I enrolled in fashion school where I took a crash course in fashion styling. Halfway through that, my husband and I had our first child. I focused less on the family business and spent a year trying to do freelance styling work until reality hit, and I had to immerse myself in the world of business management fully.

“So you’re married, have two kids, AND you run your own business? Wow! You must have it all figured out!” I DON’T. I thought I would, but I don’t. I’m stuck in this thing called quarter-life crisis, and it feels like a never-ending loop. Several years ago, you could ask me what I want in life, and I’d be so certain of my answer, but now, I’m the girl who doesn’t know what she wants anymore. I voiced out this concern to my sister once, and all she said was, “It’s because the things you desire before are all yours now.” Perhaps she’s right, but does it have to feel this way?

If there’s one thing that I am slowly learning, though, it’s that there should be time for everything. There IS a time for everything. There’s a time for being crazy, a time for dancing, a time for being serious, and a time for kindness. But also, there’s a time for YOU. I have had the longest dry spell for a long time when it comes to feeling inspired, but, hey, that’s how life works. You need that dry spell to feel inspired. Otherwise, it gets bland.

So here I am, twelve years after I started my first blog. I’m now older, a little calmer, hopefully, a little wiser, but still just as much of a dreamer as I was. I am hoping that my anonymity would give me full control over my very own space on the internet and maybe put an end to this dry spell I’ve been experiencing for so long. You are very much welcome to check in on me once in a while, and maybe help me try to figure out this crazy little thing call life.

That’s all for now.

xx, The Lazy Blogger

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